Proverbs 3:5 *Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; [6] in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight*
When it dawned on me that God wanted me to devote my time and life to the ministry instead of my ambition, I struggled with many things. I have always known i'll be in ministry right from my campus days but I had other plans too.
I had the plan of going into academics so that I'll have time for ministry or get into oil and gas to fund ministry. I worked towards achieving anyone that comes first. Those were my plans but not God's.
When all of that did not work while in ministry already, the fear of the unknown, what to eat and drink gripped my heart so I decided to redesign my life the way I thought would be fine. At that time, I concluded I could run the ministry whilst living abroad.
I called my board to a meeting to inform them about relocating to Germany. I got a tuition free admission to study for a masters Molecular Biology in Kiel university. The visa process began but God halted it in his own way despite securing admission.
Much later, I began to reflect on the whole thing and I concluded that my action was taken because I did not trust God enough to run my life. I knew what God wanted for me but I wanted to play a Jonah on God. I quitted my own way.
What makes that feeling worse is when you see your colleagues doing well in career, buying cars and doing good things money can fund. You'll feel you're 'unserious' about life. Then Satan comes with his opportunities to lure you away from God's plan.
*One reason most believers struggle with obeying God's direction is because they don't trust God enough to run their lives. Our brains always try to work things out for God whereas God is saying "let your life be my 'headache' and not yours"*.
Dearest, God can manage your life fully without your input, just obey and comply with His instructions. He knows what it is good for you and where your green pastures are. Stop running from pillar to post.
*What you need for life is right in God's purpose for your life. Find it and fulfil it*.
Everytime you run life your own way, you take several steps in reverse. Your duty is to find what He wants you to do with your life. Obey and follow him one day at a time. He will make all things right.
*Allow God to run your life*.
Father, I receive grace to allow you run my life in Jesus name.